so, whose girlfriend are you?I was just talking to a friend about the dynamics of being the sole woman in a band with four men, and I was just reminded of how much I hate the assumption that because I am in a band with these dudes I must be dating/fucking one of them.
It happens sometimes. Has happened in every mixed-gender band I’ve ever been in - the assumption of a sexual relationship between members of the opposite sex, and it always comes down on the woman as the ‘untalented’ one who slept her way into the band. It happened even when I was not in my current relationship and was dating women and that was a known fact. Think about how many times you’ve heard that narrative, and how real and imagined sexual relationships between men and women have been used to invalidate the woman’s contributions in a creative partnership? SO. MANY. TIMES. (Interestingly, I almost never hear it about queer folks in same-gender bands. Is this a purely heterosexist paradigm wrt gendered power?)
The thing is that a woman’s creative contributions should always be viewed independently of who she’s dating/fucking, on their own merit. Doesn’t matter if she is or isn’t, her personal life is not a thing up for you to dissect, and it certainly isn’t appropriate to use what she’s doing with her heart or her genitals to invalidate what she brings to the table, just as it’s not appropriate to weigh how she looks against her musical contributions.
yeah, this isn’t something i have to deal with too much right now, but as we play more shows/tour/etc.. it’s something i’m worried about, as i’ve seen it happen countless times. definitely some shit to think about here.
(via cestuncoupdetat)
