feeling super sick. feel like i have been for months. pounding headache and really sore throat.
day three of no drinking and i’m a crying, emotional mess trying to isolate myself at one turn, and mad that no one is around the next.
wanna ask for help, but get turned down too often.
anxiety and depression at an all time high.
weighing the pros and cons of going back east for a bit.
missing the ocean.
hating my body, all bodies. thinking a lot about desire and desirability and social capital, and how when i tell all my skinny, white queer friends that i haven’t had a date the entire time i’ve been in montreal they get all fucking awkward because no one wants to admit they’re maintaining boring power structures when they benefit from them.
(i realize that may read like i want to date those people, but that couldn’t be further from the truth - just bored of people acting as if being skinny white queer punx into misandry and dating one another is somehow subversive or political in any way)
wanna be a strong, kick ass person but feel like montreal is sucking the life out of me and making me avoid conflicts like a coward.
feeling super alienated and uninspired by this scene, and wondering if i’m just going to drown in this sea of identity politics, bullshit call out culture and posturing.
why won’t anyone talk about Bonanno with me anyway?
so broke, and need a job so badly. but can’t really function.. so?
bill was probably right when he said that nothing was ever going to change.
stuck in a terrible negative feedback loop forever.
wanting rural life, and more dogs. hating the city more than anything.
feel like i’m being a terrible friend, and never keeping in touch with people who i care about enough.
why is staying sober so hard.
god winter. are you done yet.
tumblr is terrible and i only seem to write in this when i’m sad.
6:20 pm • 6 February 2013 • 15 notes
Sushi feast tonight
Bill and I conquering a mountain of sushi.
1:45 pm • 4 February 2013 • 9 notes
“In order to perpetuate itself, the terrible community needs to relegate danger to the exterior: it’s the Outsiders, the Competition, the Enemy, the cops. And so the terrible community applies the strictest discourse-policing within itself, and becomes its own censorship.”
theses on the terrible community: affectivity
as with most tiqqun a lot of this piece is high theory in-joking and unsubstantiated whatever whatever, but there are some gems
1:42 pm • 4 February 2013 • 27 notes
why is this not happening in my life right now?
(Source: matafari, via woc-resist)
1:36 pm • 2 February 2013 • 90,134 notes
Skipped the show to listen to music too loud, drink a whole litre of shitty white wine and make French onion soup at 10pm. By myself. Oh, hello anxiety.
9:27 pm • 31 January 2013 • 4 notes
“No one wants to be the person who is made fun of for caring too much about something, who treats in earnest a situation that everyone else considers absurd. Even in personal relationships, feeling too heavily invested while simultaneously understanding that the other person couldn’t be more detached is one of the most profound feelings of embarrassment we can experience. Because it isn’t simply the embarrassment of making a mistake or a poor choice, it’s a shame over the kind of human being you are and how you see the world around you. To be shamed for your sincerity is to be reminded that you are dependent on something which is not dependent on you — that you are, once again, vulnerable.”
I Will Always Care Too Much (via swintons)
(Source: ladyfromthenorth, via deleuzingmymind)
7:23 pm • 30 January 2013 • 34,041 notes
Click-through for facebook event.
Disrupt the Salon de Plan Nord!
12:51 am • 30 January 2013 • 9 notes